Seasons

My heart is hurting so!!! Today DHS called to say they would be picking Lizzie up to take her to her relatives... We had 4 hours to get her packed up and say goodbye. I had SO much to do yet all I wanted to do was soak up every moment I had left with her, to smell her sweet head and see her sparkly brown eyes light up. Thankfully, she was down for her nap when I got the call so I was able to pack up all her things while I sobbed. Does she feel like mine because she's a baby and counted on me for her every need, or is it that we picked her up from the hospital so battered and broken that we thought she would always be safe with us, is it that she learned to walk before our very eyes, or that she is feisty and bright and beautiful just like our Kymi, or that our whole family adores her (with the exception of Tru when she is grabbing HIS toys, "MINE!!!!")?? I am not sure why, but, the bond is stronger than I ever thought possible for one that is not "my own". I guess that is the pain of being a foster mama...they are not my own... For that matter though, neither are David and Kymi. They are God's too, placed in my arms for just a short while. I must remind myself of this once again...to once again entrust them to the capable & loving plans of my Jesus...KNOWING that He loves each one more than I ever could, THANKING Him for the awesome privilege of being their mama!!! Loving is tough tonight. As the waves of sorrow continue to rush over me I pray that our Lizzie is feeling safe in her new home, that she will be well loved, that she will always know that Jesus loves her, that He is her protector... I know she won't remember us, but, I believe the love & safety she felt in our home are forever stitched into the fiber of her being!! I picked the kids up early from school so they could say goodbye and have one last celebration of her. They cried and held her, played with her, colored her a picture for her take with her and together we came up with this list that is...

Our Lizzie
We're gonna miss her!
She loves playing with the manger
She learned to walk here
She had her first birthday with us
She grew her first 2 teeth
She loves snuggling stuffies, especially the glow snail from Grammy
She is SO cute!
She loves for Kymi (& David) to carry her
Her beautiful brown eyes sparkle
We love her SO much!
We pray for her
She loves crawling in the recycling box
She gets in the trash lots (it is just her height)
Patty-cake can always make her stop fussin'
She tries to copy everything we say (especially Tru!)

Goodbye, baby girl! Even though we had you with us for a short while we will love you and pray for you always!!!

My Husband is a ROCK Star!!!

I fell in love with my adorable husband all over again during our AMAZING weekend away together!! Where better than So Cal...the place where we met and started our lives together??!! We spent lots of time at the beach...ahhhhhhh!!! He ran over 8 miles with little effort while I delighted in the waves washing over my feet, my prayerful whispers for the ones I love most, collecting heart shaped rocks and shells... I loved dreaming and remembering while holding hands with my love walking down the sandy shore, hearing the waves roar...waves that can only come up as far as God Himself allows & commands. WOW!! It was all so overwhelming at times, yet, so comfortable & sweet!! We witnessed a dear friend committing her life to another, caught up with more dear friends and spent time with my Shaffers!! Those 3 kids were the start of my "parenting" and I love them like they are my own. I thank God for the glimpses that He gives me during our times together that He has each one of them under the protection of His wing...that the years I devoted to them have made a difference in their lives for His glory. Ahhhhh! Thank You, Jesus for all the precious moments...each one locked away in my heart!! xoxox

Our kids have grown!! :D

The school year ended and before things start to get fuzzy I must record where my amazing kids have been this school year and some of the ways they have grown. David was in 3rd grade with a wonderful teacher. Mr Bowles loves Jesus and kids and it shines through. He challenged David this year to reach and praised him for being a strong leader. David was tested for the GT program and started that. He is still amazing in verbal skills, loves to read and is an all around great student. His best bud this year has been Nathan Bone as they were in most classes together. He tried Geo Club and did intermaurel sports at school. He finished his first book in T&T...has an unbelievable memory!! Greg and I count AWANA as a HUGE blessing in our lives!! It helps our kids hide God's Word in their hearts and more than ANYTHING we want for them to know Jesus well, to walk with Him all the days of their lives!!! David has really stepped up to responsibility this year with remembering his chores (bed, turtle, recycling, homework...) He has LOVED having Jonah live here and he still loves drama. This was his first year for little league and he improved tremendously over the season. He is above all relational...loves people, always telling stories and wanting to play. This summer he is attending JAM and was awarded a lead role. His favorite foods are still shrimp and crab and he loves dinner time hi/lo. He is a peacemaker and has such a tender heart for the hurting and lost. He asks TONS of questions and still loves to be snuggled at bedtime. We are SO proud of our precious son!! Kymmer grew tons in her wonderful Ruth Washburn experience!! Carmen was amazing with her and she blossomed from a shy, relates better with older kids, girl to being more verbal and open. I think her brother Caleb helped that too. Having to share and stretch was great for her...having a constant playmate was too! (Both kids grew in strength of character being foster siblings! In patience, understanding, love...we all have grown!! LOVE that!!!) Kymi's best buds (besides David and Caleb) were Leo, Indigo and the twins, Madison & Kaitlyn. She became a scientist, a lover of books, a die hard outdoorsman, she learned to pump and moved to a bigger 2-wheeler bike. She snowboarded for the first time and is already doing 360's!! She is an absolute natural athlete with amazing balance. She loves to help me in the kitchen and is very quick to obey and help. No job that Papa does around the house is done without his partner!! (He LOVES that!!!) She's helped prepare the lawn and put in grass, move rocks, give endless doggy baths, make Home Depot runs, install water purifiers, hammer, drill, hand push wheel barrow...she is a tireless kid!! She still loves Bitty and sucking her two fingers. Her favorite foods besides fruit are asparagus & NOODLES!! She is passionate about life and our delight!! She LOVES Jesus and to share her faith!! And, she is VERY excited to start kindergarten next year!! Her favorite activity this last year was CBS... :D We are SO proud of our precious daughter!!

Struggles of a Foster Mom...

Wow!! What an amazing journey this foster parenting has been!!! Exhausting, invigorating, stressful, rewarding, painful, wonderful, full of love and concern... They dump massive amounts of information on you over an 8 week training period and it isn't enough!! I mean, it totally helps to have their incredible support as you muddle through piles of paperwork, crazy emotions, system failings... They cannot prepare you for the great love you have for these precious kids, that your protective mothering wants NOTHING less then the VERY best for them. It has been hard. My knees are worn out from crying out to the Father on their behalf. I know too much, yet, I know too little. I am scared that I haven't been able to do enough! I don't want them to go...my precious boys...yet, they will go. "God fill in the gaps, sooth hurting hearts, prepare us, protect these boys even when I can't...I KNOW you love them far greater than I can and that they were/still are in our home by Your design. I choose to trust them to Your PERFECTLY capable hands!!! Please help me to rest in You alone."

Transformation from Dragon 2010

It is a year of change!! God has been transforming the inside of my temple for 40 years now and has done amazingly gentle work with patient hands...as I look back I KNOW that without those things I would not have survived the often times excruciatingly painful process. I praise Him for bringing me through in safety...He is my safe haven!! This new year He has pinpointed the outside of my temple. All my life I have used this outside as a protector and my journey with Jesus has brought me to the place were I don't need that protection anymore...all I need is Him. He has been my Protector all along, but, because of my life issues I didn't feel comfortable/safe without the fluff. SO, though I have shed this outer layer a few different times in the past this time is different, I am different. Have you read The Voyage of the Dawn Treader?? I feel like I am Eustice as the Dragon...his heart is changed...he is different, but, his outside still is a dragon. He has done some work to peal it away (just as I have), but, not much progress happens...he is still a dragon!! It takes Aslan's deep, painful clawing to transform Eustice into the great boy he has become. I will try my best to journal here my transformation from Dragon to the safe woman I have become. To God be the glory, great things He has done!!